An Education

Remember all those years I spent in school?

Not a waste of time, yet not that applicable in my day to day nursing.

On the job training is teaching me HUGE amounts of practical knowledge.

When to call 9-1-1.

When to use my own judgement on something like handing out tylenol and tums/MOM/antacids. At my facility over half of the residents have med techs handing out their meds. Med techs cannot give anything without a doctor's order.

At skilled nursing facilities there are certain meds nurses can use their own judgement on like ibuprofen, tylenol, stool softeners, etc.

At my facility only the nurse (aka me when I'm on) can dispense unordered over the counter meds.

I caught the med tech calling the nursing director over a request for tums.

I advised her I had the authority to dispense certain things especially at night when doctors or nursing directors are not readily available.

Who says being a mom did not prepare me for being a nurse? (chuckles)

I've also learned most emergencies aren't really emergencies. Not in assisted living. Residents will NOT die if they get their pain meeds an hour late. Residents will not die if I miss checking their blood sugar before one meal.

The residents are quite durable. (So yes, I am using a tone of irony here...)

Thank the Lord.

I Was So Done

Because people freak out here when there's even a teensy bit of snow I was stuck at my job for almost 72 hours.

I have never been more done than I was last night when I arrived home at 10 p.m..

I had arrived at work at 6:30 a.m. Monday.

I slept over 2 nights.

Yesterday was one crisis after another.

Add in the factors that all the higher ups were gone and will not return until Monday, broken/frozen pipes, one moronic resident who decided to go walking in the iced over parking lot without her walker and yes, she fell, another in facility fall, the vast majority of residents who think it's all about them and them only, being short staffed, and on unto forever....I was so very done.

I am not looking forward to working tomorrow.

I'm not even going into my spouse who's a real ass at the moment.

The 22 mile drive home on 2 hours sleep after my 15 hour day, was so scary, icy, freaky that I sang old French folk songs to stay alert~I was done.

However, I must praise God for helping me get home safe, for the lack of idiots on the road, my front wheel drive car, and many other small graces!!!!!!!

My med tech co-worker who was my port in the storm yesterday~Thanks girlfriend!!!

Now I'm off to attempt to catch up on sleep.

Crazy Days

Oh my gosh.

Last Tuesday was insane.

Left home at 6:00 a.m. and got home at 11 p.m.. Yeah. It was like that.

I had to replace all bingo cards with new month's supply. I had to attend state mandated dementia/mental health class. I had several unplanned events to cope with. Plus I got nailed for my (perceived) negative attitude and my inability to be a team player.

Silly me thought I'd be doing well in the attitude dept. considering I was flying w/o a net 90% of the time.

I apologized for my attitude and my tendency to think out loud. I do appreciate feedback as I'm still learning the job, how to be a competent nurse, and all that.

I do not appreciate being slammed.

Nope.

Being blindsided is just not enjoyable.

I will continue to pray I can keep my mouth closed, my opinion to myself, and to stop thinking out loud.

Or as it was put to me: Stop the advancement of foot-in-mouth disease.

O.K.

Lord, make my thoughts pleasing to you, be in control of my mind, my heart and especially, my mouth.

Amen.

Determination

I am very angry at the moment. At my spouse.

I refused to be drawn into any exchange about my anger.

Lashing out in anger is unwise. I can see this so clearly now.

Tomorrow counseling will begin.

God can forgive my sins.

I want to come alongside my spouse and forgive.

Forgive myself as I am far from blameless.

Forgive him from straying away from his commitment to me. For his complete lack of honesty and disclosure.

I want to heal me.

I want to help him heal.

God is in control and whatever happens is His will.

Trying to Keep the Hope Alive

It's very difficult to see my marriage working out tonight.

I have come to the realization that my spouse has more flaws than I ever knew.

I am flawed as well.

The flaws aren't really the problem.

The desire to change and adapt could very well be impossible for him.

I love the Lord.

I get it. I cannot survive this world without the grace of God.

I do not think I can survive a marriage with a man who doesn't get it.

It became quite clear tonight that my spouse is really all about himself.

That's not going to work for me. Or for God.

Please pray for my husband. He could use all of our prayers right now.