Saturday, January 8, 2011

Feeling Like Crud

Nothing messes with sleep more than mucus sliding down your throat all night.

Nothing messes with your sleep more than drooling because you're freaking stuffed up.

Nothing messes with your sleep more than that gagging in the middle of the night that leaves your heart rate at 125 bpm and you gasping for air.

Nothing messes with your sleep more than the dull ache in your sinuses slowly seeping into your consciousness enough to awaken you.

Lord, please make this an anomaly.

Help me feel all well by tomorrow at the latest.

I know that's asking a lot but I just don't have the luxury of being sick at this time.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Breaking My Heart

My son can't wait to get back to basic training.

On one hand, I'm thrilled he's doing so well and feels he made the right choice to enlist.

On the other hand, is it so terrible that he has to run to the military?

He's running towards war.  Certain war.

What the freak is wrong with him?

How did I raise someone who wants to kill?

How does this fit into his Christian upbringing?

Was I wrong to not allow even toy guns into my house?

Was I wrong to teach him to turn the other cheek?

How did I raise someone (actually two someones) who callously break their mother's heart, hurt her very soul and then don't even realize what they're doing?


All those years I poured into creating them, raising them, supporting everything they did......what was that for?  What the hell was that for?