Thursday, October 14, 2010

Just a Bad Day

The stress is getting to me.

Now I'm off of all antidepressants and other associated meds, I feel more.

Today I felt grief.

Yes, again.

I sat next to a woman with a 3 month old baby. The baby's eyes were the exact color of Brennan's eyes. The boy who never had a chance.

They were also similar to my 19 year old's eyes. The boy who's joined the army.

My eyes welled up and I had to leave the room so I didn't interrupt the lecture.

I could not help crying.  Damn, I hate when that happens.

Then my spouse is being a bigger moron than normal.

My wonderful 19 year old just told me he's an atheist.  He was mocking me.  Shut the F up brat.  I'm not in the mood.

My sense of humor had left the building for today.

I miss the boy who never had a chance.

I miss the boy the 19 year old used to be.

I miss the me who saw the future as bright and exciting.  The me who loved her husband.  The me who my husband loved.

I know the past is the past.  I accept that.

Could someone please tell my tear ducts to shut the hell off?????

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Notes To Self

NTS~some people completely miss irony/sarcasm on the internet.

NTS~never ever offer to do more work for no pay, aka don't be stupid!

NTS~write down prayer team requests otherwise you tend to forget details.

NTS~work on sleeping better as I cannot sleep longer anymore.

NTS~discover if sarcasm is still considered humor.

NTS~find sunscreen! (Though I suspect one of my children swiped it)

NTS~The sunshine will leave before i can find the sunscreen.