Friday, June 4, 2010

Gut Feeling

I've had this stomach dropping feeling before.

When Brennan was slow developmentally I felt it.

When we were in Children's crash room the bottom of my stomach tried to reach the floor. I knew, in my mother's heart, that this would not end well. I knew deep deep down that Brennan would die. I was not being pessimistic. I was honoring my mothers instinct. Damn, I wanted to be wrong. I prayed to be wrong but I wasn't wrong. I was all too right.

Now with this younger son enlisting in the army during a war I am getting the same feeling. The icy cold stomach dropping feeling that bad things will happen.

Sure, I could be over reacting. I could be manifesting normal gut tells me differently. In the past fews days I have this creeping suspicion my 19yo might not live to see 25.

He will be gone 18 weeks in training in the hell they call Fort Benning, GA. I have not been away from either of my kids for more than 10 days or so. Ever. He got into Airborne Infantry so he'll be jumping out of planes and helicopters in the middle of the night. Accidents have been known to happen.

My friend, please, PRETTY PLEASE pray my gut instinct is totally and completely wrong.


1 comment:

Sniffles and Smiles said...

I thought I left a comment here...can't remember if you moderate comments or not...but I'll leave another...just to let you know that you and your son will be in my prayers!!! Hope you are okay! Love, Janine XO