Sunday, June 29, 2008

How Am I supposed to Get Through Nursing School If I keep forgetting My kids' Names??

It's getting a teensy bit scary. I keep calling my brother by my younger son's name and vice-versa. I'm 46, is that too young for alzehemiers?

I was speaking with my spouse tonight I kept saying my son's name when it's my brother, who's wedding invitation we received today.

The invitation made me angry. He was So and so's son and well, my mother isn't so and so. The woman my father married after my mom's death did not raise my brother. He was 27 years old when my mom died. Isn't there etiquette where they add the deceased mother's name?

He was my mom's last child, in many ways her favorite and most painful child. This is my brother who is manic. It took 7 years to diagnose him so we all thought he was drug addict and a loser. All (HA!) he was was mentally ill. I think that news almost hurt my mom more than the drug idea. He was her brightest child, the one with the most potential. He was also the one who lied to her and harangued her when manic and broke her heart numerous times. She really deserves a place on the invitation.

I keep forgetting little details. My oldest dropped by around 11pm last night so I knew he was alive and I completely forgot. At least I can remember algebra now. Hardeharhar.

The entire family is in the wedding except me. I have never met my father's wife, my other broher's wife or daughter or my older brother's dog. When I say I could never run to family, I was serious. I was dealing with over 10 years of grief and depression, what's their excuse?

It's a sad thought but no one will miss me at that wedding. Not one person. Not how I thought families were supposed to be. Move 1000 miles away, Mom dies and no one cares what happens to you. How very American of us. How upset my dad's mother would be.

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