COOKIE!

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Lonesome Loser

That old Eagles song Lonesome Loser keeps going through my head. I wasn't having the best week and tonight I had a "meeting" with my clinical instructor who was representing the other nursing instructors and some other students I seem to annoy the hell out of . Huh? Sometimes I may talk too much. I've been working on it. I ask questions unrelated to topic. I have no idea why I was told this. I have been trying very hard to ask only related and relevent questions.

Message I received: Shut the hell up in class/out of class/during practicals. Am I really that obnoxious?

I already have a spouse who thinks I am not capable of getting through the nursing program. Now more people who'd rather I wasn't in the program at all.

I feel totally useless right now. I have kids who are grown and don't really need me. I have no friends in real life. My husband doesn't support and or believe in me. Do I even have a point in life?

Cranky Bitch

I am cranky bitch today. No discernable cause. Just cranky. Bitchy. Tired. Me.

Surprise, Suprise

I have pissed off my teenager again. I thought I was teasing him but he says I was angry and mean. Um...................ok. What drugs are you on son? Do you all know what it's like living with a hypersensitive teenager with hormones running amok and drama being his middle name? OY! It's a headache.

I am tired. Mentally, physically and attutudinally.

Never a Smooth Road

Crud. What if I have bladder cancer? Or need dialysis for whatever kidney issue I may or may not have? I have no time for this crap. Call now!!!!!!!!


Just as things in my life is getting along the way I want it to, bam. I hope this is nothing. But when the doc won't leave it in a message and won't let the nurse tell you anything....it's usually not so they can say "hey! you're extra special healthy!" If only.

This is so frustrating.

Determination

I have plans. Plans for my future. No snot nosed little brat is going to derail me. I've come too far and through too much to let the people who don't really matter to screw up my plans.

I will make it through the next 11 months of school. I will pass the NCLEX-PN and find a job.

Then I will apply to ladder up to an RN degree program. I will make it through those months of school. I will pass the NCLEX-RN.

Next step, take an RN to BSN degree program as I wirk as an RN.

After the BSN I will decide on an area to specialize and I will go for a masters degree in nursing or as a nurse practitioner with prescriptive powers. Like being a doctor but better. More human, less lobbies by pharmaceutical interests.

Don't get in my way. I plan on taking those who discourage or try to stop me. Just a friendly warning.

Mean People

No matter how hard I try not to judge others, I always find folks are willing to judge me. There is a girl in my nursing class and my practical group who I could have a smackdown with. She's pushy and loud, fairly un-enducated and thinks she's always right. Fine no problem until she rolls her eyes with the guy in front of me when I answered an anatomy question correctly after I waited to see if anyone else would answer first.

Apparently I am too smart. I am worthy of being derided by a girl who's about the age of my oldest(maybe a few years older) who I've treated respectfully. I do have a negative opinion of her but I am kept it to myself. I only told my husband about her.

I'm going to be the adult here. DUH. Tomorrow I will change seats to the back row so I won't have to see this girl judge me or make fun of me. Hey chica I've been out of junior high since 1977. Yes about 10 years before you were born as you keep reminding me you weren't even born in 1980. (like I care?)

I have spent my life learning, reading, researching as everything interests me. OK I remember my parts of the brain. Sue me. What's the point of taking anatomy & physiology as the back bone of a medical education if I forget what I learned.

Damn I hate being judged. I hate people who think they're better. Better than who? Everyone. And hey! Let's make fun of that old lady in class too. Now there are 4 people older than I in the class including the guy who was aiding her in her eye rolling. Screw 'em.

I'll rise above. I'll be a better nurse than she will because I have compassion for folks of all ages and races. Because I know people are basically the same when it comes to their healthcare needs.

But if one of you would like to make a voodoo doll, don't forget the bleached blond hair with dark showing at the roots, slut clothes that almost show her nipples and crotch riding tight jeans.

The things that irks me the most~she is not taking the program seriously. GRRRRRRR